Pi Day Rant (bonus song)

from 2018 Songs by Clara Balmer

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lyrics

I think about math more than most do
I'm into it in a way that's not quite... polite
So every March I feel like I'm supposed to
Participate in a day that makes me want to fight

I find I'm surrounded by enthusiasts
Memorizing digits and baking
But that's not the way to earn my crust
Fair-weather mathematicians, oh so flaky

Perhaps my argument is irrational
And I do appreciate the good PR
I promise I don't have aversions to round things
(in fact I love round things)
Their circumference is pi times 2 r!

The beauty in mathematics CAN be baked into a pie
But where's the food and festivities for e? and φ? and i?
Do we really need all these nerds competing
To rehearse pi not repeating in an arbitrary base?
It's basically a spelling bee for dorks who like round foods
Which makes me want to throw a round food into someone's face

So this year I am celebrating in my arbitrary way
Sorry to take the piss out of arbitrary pi day
I may have the odd slice
And I hope it tastes nice
I admit, my personal policy is to never turn down free food

So happy march fourteen
I might spend this pi day, over hydrating
Because it seemed like the right time for a PSA from me
I know you all love pie but the greeks pronounced it PEE...

So if you love pi the way that I do
If you're a pedantic POS and proud, like me...
Then spend your whole year loving pi
and spend today rounding down to three!

credits

from 2018 Songs, released December 31, 2018

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Clara Balmer Ypsilanti, Michigan

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