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2018 Songs

by Clara Balmer

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1.
Famous Last Words 04:34
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Famous last words to sum up a life Fragile, composed, to share what you know to be right You hope they heard it, maybe the nurse did And she could write it down if she spoke German And you can move on, it doesn't matter You've got no time left to feel sad or blue Believe what you will and you will leave what you had behind Nothing between you and nothingness now No more contact, no more holding on Never thought you'd end because you never had before You believed in more Famous last words to end a relationship Simple and true, and freeing for you You know he heard it, you know it worked because He leaves like a jerk, to be alone, to feel hurt And you're just glad it couldn't last Pain is just love that is past its prime Believe what you will and you will leave what you had behind Nothing between you and anyone now No more doubting, no more safe delays Never thought you'd leave because you never had before But you believed in more Famous first words when you're just a child Spoken with hope, you've broken the silence You think you got it, the grownups nodded You can do this, your future is plotted And soon you will tell them your story Kid- you are bound for glory Believe what you will and you will leave what you had behind Nothing between you and anything now No more silence, no more Simon Says Never thought you'd start because you never had before Now you believe in more You may have collected abundant and consistent data But such a small frame will not predict these changes Though I suppose the theory goes That nothing ever is destroyed
2.
Summer Train 03:17
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3.
Nothing At All 04:30
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4.
As I Was 04:06
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I don't waste my time being daring I tell secrets I don't mind sharing I work hard when it doesn't hurt and I never go first I try when I know I'll succeed I give if it's something I don't need I hope for the things I should when chances are good Because a gamble is not a safe bet all the birds in the bush I will never catch it's something that I've learned to avoid the risk of getting burned I'm not as fearless as I was I dance when the crowd doesn't know me I lead if there's someone to show me I choose when I'm not on the fence and I have faith if it makes sense I dream when I am asleep and I hold onto things I get to keep I'm patient if I don't have to wait and I don't anticipate Chorus Well life is temporary and I don't believe in wealth when nothing belongs to me, I can't even claim myself but gaining nothing, going nowhere, never saying yes hasn't quite defeated me there's still some courage left Because I'll laugh when the moment is wrong and I'll sing when I don't know the song I'll write when I'm uninspired and I'll move when I'm tired I'll search even though I'm blind I'm yours even if you're not mine I'll trust even though I can't see why you'd take care of me I know a gamble is not a safe bet all those birds in the bush I will never catch it's something that I've learned I can't avoid getting burned and I don't need to be as fearless as I was
5.
Detach 02:15
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I want to love my skin but if that's impossible then I would settle just to forget what I look like just to remember how I feel I want to learn to swim but if that's impossible then I would settle just to float into space just to sink into the earth But I have no choice I have no choice a stone for two birds it's a hard place to be I have no choice I have no choice oh, to be thrown away or to be poisonous I want to fall in love but if that's impossible then I would settle just to connect to everything just to detach from myself Or is that too much to ask?
6.
Keep Your Heart Down 02:54
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Keep your heart down while you're out in the world 'cause I would like to keep it when you come back to town I'll be around, if only because you make me lonely when you're gone Hold off falling for her, or anyone for that matter 'cause I am holding to a moment, I remember we were close, so nearly nose to nose, please don't say it's been too long I'll be the answer to your question if you'll ask for me someday I'll keep your secrets if you'll keep me, just tell me to stay Stay in touch or I'll imagine too much it's such an easy thing to do to think you feel it too you might not call me but you'll never fool me you were real Find yourself out there and know that I don't need you though I would bleed to see you and still the message will not send I cannot pretend I don't depend on how you feel I know the risk involved in wishing, but I cannot let it go I've wasted lifetimes for a lifetime with a love I'll never know No, I guess it's stupid to root for Cupid who would let you travel as I stay and unravel all my thoughts and feelings, caught and reeling here I'm still here
7.
I Have an Idea 03:50
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I have an idea and it could be cool to do I just need to follow through which makes me kinda nervous I have an idea but I haven't yet begun I can't seem to start step one do I even deserve it Can I make myself begin a task? Can I make my motivation last? I would like to leave a mark but I never seem to start Because all I seem to do is make a plan all I seem to do is make a plan, again all I seem to do is make a plan, again and again and again and again I have an idea that I want to realize I see it when I close my eyes but when they open, I'm distracted I have an idea and I don't want to forget or be buried in regret I want to say I acted Can I start the journey with a step? Can I make up for the years I've slept? I think it could be great but scheduled at a later date Chorus I'm in no position to complain I've got loads of time and more than enough space I am so afraid I'll never finish what a waste but I'd still choose the list before I'd choose to leave it blank Because I have an idea so I add it to the list another plan, another wish but my life gets in the way I have an idea and it's one of a thousand and five I'd like to do while I'm still alive but I'm scared to do today I may as well be stuck in solid ice frozen, I don't take my own advice I keep writing down 'begin' filling pages to the brim
8.
All Your Fault 05:22
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I remember younger years maybe we cried more but we laughed through our tears we were only seventeen we filled our sentences with words we couldn't mean I remember breaking hearts I broke my own the most and I shared with you the parts you weren't listening but I've never known a person to be more convincing It wasn't all bad, but I won't go back you know I loved you but I barely left intact maybe we flew too high that we were bound to fall but it wasn't all your fault it wasn't all your fault I remember staying up secrets slide out easily when the world can't interrupt we lost a lot of sleep but all the things we gained were things we got to keep I remember being good as if good and evil could be understood we knew that we were right which is why when we were wrong we still put up a fight chorus I remember needing you and bending over backwards hoping you would need me too but I needed to grow and to learn that your love was not in my control I remember feeling lost and believing you would find me at any cost but you were lost with me so when I had the chance I set myself free It wasn't all bad, but I won't go back you know I loved you but I barely left intact maybe we flew too high that we were bound to fall but it wasn't all my fault it wasn't all my fault
9.
Someone Who Tries 03:41
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I've been a little bit busy and a little bit lazy but I'm always hungry for more finding new things to try for I put too much on my plate because it looked delicious now my whole world's running late and the guilt is vicious but I'll always be someone who tries and forgives, and tries again I've got a lot of excuses and I'm feeling so useless because it's hard to recall if I've ever done anything at all I bit off more than I could chew because it looked delicious how much can one person do? apparently not quite this much but I'll always be someone who tries and forgives, and tries again There is a version of me I'm always chasing after whenever I get closer I imagine her faster Whether I'm winning or losing I need to love what I'm doing and I should let myself rest so I don't die from the stress I'm such a slow learner by this time I should know how to use the back burners time to cook that shit on low maybe take a few pins and put 'em in come back to it later I could lower the bar just a bit I'm still a creator and I'll always be someone who tries and forgives, and tries again
10.
Lake Superior 04:07
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Trying to move myself will I regret falling down? the others jumped before me promising no injury it's just a little cliff the decision could be quick but I peer over the edge and age another minute What stops me is the fear that what's stopping me is more than fear that maybe I was made to take small steps only I want to be safe forever Maybe the water wants to welcome me the lake to take my body but the surface moves as if it wouldn't even notice me I can't convince my legs to leap I can't submit to gravity I'm closer to the Earth than to the sky The sort of life I lead depends on sorting through the things I fear but maybe I am better off without adventure I want to exist forever To be in Lake Superior seems simple to acheive but I'm not losing my footing the size of the horizon is safer than the shoreline as long as I'm not reaching I am only looking But do astronauts' and lion tamers' fears do them any favors? Maybe there is time to surprise myself I want to be remembered forever Something in me shifts the rock falls, my body lifts now nothing underneath me but the space and waves I'm giving in to cosmic will for motion over staying still the weightlessness is heaven and the moment lasts forever And there were lessons all along in fears I would overcome and maybe being beaten wouldn't be so bad My fears can be of use to me by lighting paths I hadn't seen and maybe that's the only part of life worth living I want to be fearful forever
11.
Rotten 03:48
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Soft-hearted boys with thin skins see through, allowing me to take the time to dig in I hardly ever miss them I had them, so I had my fill and reached the core that broke the deal I'm so rotten, I'm so spoiled I'm so smitten, I'm a child I'm so hungry, but too picky that I would like to forage for things that I should grow Hard-hearted boys with spines and shells tools required, they never opened up for my small hands I miss them all the time like I could be full if they could be ripe they must taste like something right Chorus Soft-hearted girls that I'm afraid to touch I couldn't bear to take a bite if I might cause pain I don't know what I'm missing but I can see they wait for me growing from forbidden trees Chorus Would I take it back? Everything I've sown? Refund the sun what it gave to me to use when what I save, I still lose? I'm a hard-hearted girl, I'll never fill you up but maybe I could just remind you how you'd like to feel I cannot be your endgame I consume so I can grow I have my yes, but use my no Chorus
12.
Sit in the Dark 03:43
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'Have I tampered with your heart?' he says though I don't reply, the answer is yes he broke into me like a midnight theif he stole my heart and then had to leave he built me a castle to live in alone he cut my hair and he broke my throne he told me things that I wanted to hear he was someone to love but he was something to fear So I'll sit in the dark for a while because you broke my heart with a smile x4 Should I hold back, or should I attack? I could really do some damage if I wanted to should I hide away or should I make him pay when I'd love to lie and say that I'm not haunted you're always saying no until you say yes once there's safety in having an option you don't use it's nothing like the bliss you knew in ignorance but better than having to choose Chorus You broke into me like a wave on a beach but the only way you held me was out of reach perhaps it was because we couldn't get enough we don't like it easy, and we don't get it rough but the only thing that made you wrong for me was that I was wrong for you, and you couldn't see that I don't disappear when you shut your eyes or even when you fill your head with lies Chorus
13.
Pi Day Rant (bonus song) 02:57
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I think about math more than most do I'm into it in a way that's not quite... polite So every March I feel like I'm supposed to Participate in a day that makes me want to fight I find I'm surrounded by enthusiasts Memorizing digits and baking But that's not the way to earn my crust Fair-weather mathematicians, oh so flaky Perhaps my argument is irrational And I do appreciate the good PR I promise I don't have aversions to round things (in fact I love round things) Their circumference is pi times 2 r! The beauty in mathematics CAN be baked into a pie But where's the food and festivities for e? and φ? and i? Do we really need all these nerds competing To rehearse pi not repeating in an arbitrary base? It's basically a spelling bee for dorks who like round foods Which makes me want to throw a round food into someone's face So this year I am celebrating in my arbitrary way Sorry to take the piss out of arbitrary pi day I may have the odd slice And I hope it tastes nice I admit, my personal policy is to never turn down free food So happy march fourteen I might spend this pi day, over hydrating Because it seemed like the right time for a PSA from me I know you all love pie but the greeks pronounced it PEE... So if you love pi the way that I do If you're a pedantic POS and proud, like me... Then spend your whole year loving pi and spend today rounding down to three!

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released December 31, 2018

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Clara Balmer Ypsilanti, Michigan

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